Unconditional Space
The other day I attended weekly trivia with a small group of four friends. We are a nerdy bunch that finds pleasure in a variety of life’s activities including hiking, ghost hunting, halloween, home baking, and backyard gardening… to name a few. I would consider us all a bit eccentric, but fun loving in our own unique way.
As we’re waiting for trivia to start, one of the gals starts talking about an individual that had recently attended the annual summertime ‘Haunted Luau’ backyard party. Who doesn’t love a good luau with a halloween theme, come on. Anyway, she was inquiring if anyone else had spent time talking with this woman and then shared a picture of her for confirmation. I hadn’t attended the party and the other gals hadn’t spent any time with the woman in question. So, she proceeded in telling us how this woman went on-and-on telling one story after another and never let her get a word in edgewise. At the end of sharing this story with us, she mentions that the woman acknowledged her joy in having this conversation and really felt a connection, ending in ‘we should do this again sometime’. Well, needless to say our trivia mate found this amusing since this woman never let her get a word in during the conversation.
My assumption is that our trivia mate was put-off by this woman since it was a limited one-way conversation. And, by sharing this story with us she was looking for our support for her perspective. We all just listened and only acknowledged her story, neither supporting nor dismissing her perspective.
Coming back to the concept of Unconditional Space. Let me first define these 2 words.
Unconditional - not subject to any conditions
Space - (1) a continuous area or expanse which is free, available, or unoccupied, and (2) the dimensions of height, depth, and width within which all things exist and move
I like the second definition for space, as it seems more applicable.
If I were to sum up the definition of Unconditional Space, I could say that it means ‘to allow one to exist and move without condition’. Let them be who they are, as they are, without judgement or expectation.
As I pondered this whole conversation and interaction, I came to the conclusion that our trivia mate was a gift and blessing to this woman. She provided this woman with ‘unconditional space’, even though she desired to have a two-way conversation.
Our perspective is only the story we tell our selves. This story could have been about one woman getting all the attention and the other none at all, or it’s a story about one woman provide the other with the amazing gift of pure, uninterrupted listening; a gift of unconditional space.